Hey Guys, so all of a sudden I'm in Korea. Two weeks ago for a few days prior to our tele conference I was day dreaming a lot about going somewhere far away and doing intense training for an extended period of time. On the 22nd of Feb I was offered an opportunity to join the Earth Leaders Demo team to travel to Phoenix, AZ and then all over Korea for 3 months. If I decided to go I would have to leave the following Tuesday. Well thats just crazy...
Naturally I decided to go heh heh. The day after my decision I manifested the exact amount needed for my flight to Phoenix. So here I am two weeks later. I just arrived in Korea. I'm pretty nervous about this especially because the 3 months has now turned into 4 months and then 2 more months in Japan. I dropped evereything to come here. EVERYTHING. I donated and threw away 9/10ths of everything I own. Told my company I was leaving the country for 3 months. Said by to the few people that I still talked to. And now here I am traveling in a foreign land with almost everything I own packed up into a duffle bag and a small suitcase. I may be on be on the right path but I still feel lost. Everyone else on the team seems to know each other much better than me.
What's more I hadn't slept for 2 days prior to arriving in Phoenix plus I quit anti-depressants again the day before leaving, so my lack of energy during the first week of training has been interperted as me being a slacker which bothers me a lot. I don't think they are even consciously aware that they are vibing me that way but thats the problem with being as empathic as I tend to be. I pick up on peoples feeling very quickly, sometimes even before they pick up on thier own feelings and especially when those feelings are related to me.
On top of all this I feel like I'm some how emotionally blocked, when we do meditations and things of that nature I encounter mental resistance. I seem to have to seperate visions that are conflicting with each other. One vision is to be free with no attachments, to be enlightened and to spread enlightenment. But I find myself yerning for someone to love and be loved by. I spoke with my ex-girlfriend Jennifer just before leaving for Korea and all though it was nice to talk to her I find myself wishing for that kind of love again. And then I start to worry about what I will do to make money when I return. I don't want to be poor. I'm being torn back and forth between what seems to be two seperate forces and it's driving me bonkers. And my confidence is lacking because I believed that I had achieved my dream with her and then with my career which I gave up to come here. I want my confidence back more than anything.
I also have resistence because I'm big on studying energy and training to master myself but my parents voices inside my head tend to keep coming up when things get 'religious'. I have a strong belief in individuality and at times I feel like I'm a round peg being screwed into a square hole.
